You need to do what you need to do to be happy. I don't care if that means lying on the couch for two days straight re-watching your favourite youtubers, or whether it means lounging around and reading a good book. You need to do it not only for your family but for you. No one knows what happens when we die, so you have to live the life you are living this very moment and live it well. Do the things that makes your heart race. Do the things you love. Do the things that make you smile.
10 things that put a smile on my face:
1. Working and saving money
2. Hanging out with Pepidue
3. Making things - there is nothing better than spending countless hours on trying to perfect something and then looking at the finished product at the end!
4. Colly
5. Eating colourful and healthy food
6. Youtube channels: Cambria Joy, Sacconejolys, Shaytards and MyLifeAsEva
7. University
8. Playing video games with friends
9. Sewing
10. Seeing those I love happy :)
You always tell everyone you don't care what people think of you. You always say 'what you see is what you get', but that is so far from the truth. There is so much more to you than what you think there is, and more than what you 'think' you reveal. You put up a facade so no one gets to see the real you because the 'real' you is hurting and just wants to be accepted. The 'real' you feels so guilty for everything she has done and all the pain she has caused that she doesn't know how to live with herself.
The thing is though...
People make mistakes!
Your mistakes may feel huge right now, but in the future they will be small in comparison to the whole scheme of things. Although you and those close to you will never forget the last six years, you will all move on. It may seem unlikely now but you will get through it and you will be stronger because of it.
Confusions and doubts may be circulating in your mind right now but everything will eventually fall into place. You need to let things take their course and just 'go with the flow'.
"If it is meant to be, it will be."
Of course you can control your destiny and your actions but things like love and friendship cannot be made when ever you want them. Some people come into your life for only a short time; either "as a blessing or as a lesson" and you need to accept this.
Honestly, I would rather prefer to spend my life with a handful of friends than many 'negative' and 'destructive' people. I don't want that kind of influence in my life. People say you tend to start displaying some of the characteristics and habits of those you surround yourself with and for the most part, this is true. So, why would you choose to surround yourself with people who want to bring you down? Why would you choose to be around people who make you feel bad about yourself or try to compete with you?
The only person you should ever compete with is yourself. Aim to be better than you were the day before. Stop comparing yourself to those you have less or more than you. Your life played out the way it did for a reason. You did not find work until now as you were not ready. You went through all that you did to develop a thick skin and to make you stronger. Everything literally happens for a reason - you just need to find that reason; "there is a bright side to every dark situation."
Instead of waiting another forty or so years to love yourself, start to love yourself now. Every single person on this earth is made and built differently to one another; if we were all the same we would idle in a place of stagnation, never moving forward. You are as valuable and deserving of life as any other person in the world is; never forget that. You may feel like the things and people you have in your life you are undeserving of, but that is so far from the truth. So stop trying to hurt yourself and own your potential.
Don't waste any more years on self-destruction. Bring yourself and those around you up and avoid those who bring you back down. You are so much better than that and it is time you started realizing it.
xoxo
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